QUICK HITS FROM THE IMMATERIAL PLANE
One Tiger Times Three!
The Hades Tigers captured their third championship Saturday, defeating the Seattle Garages in a thrilling Internet Series filled with pitchers’ duels and extra inning slugfests. No strangers to drama, the heavy favorite Tigers found themselves falling behind twice to Seattle before a red hot Aldon Cashmoney sparked an offensive barrage that put the team from way-down-under back on the very top of the ILB.
Changing Stripes!
With Ascension Struck Out, Sunday’s Election saw Fans vote in overwhelming numbers to pass the Based Evolution Decree, resulting in the 3x Champion Tigers rounding the first of their phylogenetic bases and unveiling a teamwide talent that looks to make Hades a Hall-Star destination for Seasons to come.
Same Old Song
Seattle found familiar rhythms in the Postseason, scribbling yet another Mild League Championship in their liner notes before cutting the show short on the biggest possible stage. Experts wonder if a certain double-shadowed credit might be just what the team needs to have any hope of cutting a better record. Speaking of which...
You Will Hear Discipline!
The Garages (the band) and the Front Office announced the first official Internet League Blaseball Merch, a double-LP Vinyl titled “DISCIPLINE,” sonically chronicling the events of the Discipline Era. Now available for pre-order!
Give The People What They Want!
The Tigers weren’t the only ones noticing major changes in Season 12. Blaseball itself appears to have evolved, as Ownership greeted Fans with better odds, the chance to write-in preferred Electoral candidates, and a menu of tasty treats fetching top dollar. Amid reports of burnt Snacks and the occasional grease fire, the league put out a statement assuring Fans that the new Food & Beverage director has Concessions under control.
Out of the Breach
Fans of the Baltimore Crabs flipped Blaseball on its head in Season 12, planting the flag for their Crabitat (despite multiple warnings) and causing a surge of Immateria to Flood the Plane, sweeping the cantankerous crustaceans back into the league with three New Teams in tow -- the Atlantis Georgias, Core Mechanics and Ohio Worms! Witnesses were quick to point out that each of the new additions appears to be a three-time champion in their own right, wielding an evolutionary advantage over all but the Tigers. Can the rest of the league rise to their challenge?
Meanwhile, Flooding saw runners swept from play and fan-favorites swept Elsewhere. Most of our heroes have made it back to their respective teams, though as of the writing of this story Beasley Day remains missing. In hopes of plugging the Fan-made disaster before it could deepen any further, Ownership was forced to activate Expansion Protocols, greenlighting Ballpark construction league-wide. Thankfully, experts suggest that things may already be leveling off, thanks to the league’s swift action.
Shorting Out?
That may not be enough to save our good friend Wyatt Mason however, as the Microphone appears to be experiencing technical difficulties. Experts suspect the cosmic broadcaster may have been splashed in the surge.
Tasting the Infinite?
Despite ongoing cleanup efforts, traces of the Shelled One’s reign appear to be lingering across the ILB, as honey-roasted Players found themselves tasting the infinite and Shelling the occasional opponent.
Weather
In Weather, Sun 2 and Black Hole once again shook up the newly-improved standings, Coffee patterns continued to circulate, Reverb shook up Baby Triumphant and Feedback kicked off the next leg of the Jaylen World Tour. In tragic news, Wild Wings hitter Case Sports and Firefighters hitter Joshua Butts were both incinerated on the same day.
Golden Glove
On a brighter note, the Economy was absolutely booming in Season 12, largely thanks to Yellowstone Magic Hitter Wyatt Glover, a different kind of Credit to the Team that had speculators cornering the hot dog and sesame seed markets..
Swing Away
In other news, Chorby Short shattered the all-time foul ball record, smashing 2345 pitches out of fair play. The next closest was Jaxon Buckley at 304.* The future of play appears to be Foul.
Blaseball is back.
Rejoice. Play Ball.
*Credit to @BiffIfh at The Society for Internet Blaseball Research
